Where are you driving?

The day before yesterday I left the office after signing off the weekly editions of ZigWheels and as usual took the well traveled road from Deccan Gymkhana where the Times of India office is. From FC Road to Balgandharva Rang Mandir Chowk via Ghule Road was the usual frenzied rush and I just kept the Skoda Laura light and slow to ensure it didn’t become the object of passionate intimacy for cyclists, scooterists, motorcyclists and also of course rickshaw-wallahs.
 
The craziness began building once I was past the chock-a-block PMPML bus terminus at the PMC with the huge red buses trying to weave as if they were two-wheelers! I do understand that Pune is the nerve centre for bikes but this was ridiculous but that is another story. Once past the PMC and the bridge over the Mula river and I was on the straight road to the busy Sangam intersection as I had to turn right to go to M. G. Road via Maldhakka and Sassoon Hospital.
 
As it was the evening hour when the offices had begun shutting down for the day, traffic going towards Camp and Nagar Road and such was heavy and already there was a line of cars and buses which had formed up. I was in the slow lane, meaning the left lane, and there were cars lined up on the fast lane, which is the right lane. No qualms about that but then appeared our protagonist on a black Hero Honda. There was a slight drizzle mind you but our man was obviously highly motivated and probably he had done the weave and the sizzle umpteen times with dexterity. He was going for it once again, trying to head up to the traffic lights while the rest of us were stationary only because of the width of his machine and his own lofty capability.

I knew that it was touch and go because the gap between my Skoda and the Suzuki SX4 on my right was achingly narrow and touch he did, his left hand knocking the rear view mirror on my door. Thankfully, not much happened but I did roll down my window and asked him where he was going and how far he intended going with his touch and go antics. He seemed to be pretty pleased with himself for not having dealt the rear view mirror a K.O. and with some pride and a puffed up chest asked me why I was giving him that complaining look.
 
Of course he had touched and wanted to go but the gap between the car and the bus ahead was too much even for his ability, not to say his physique so I got my chance to ask him one more question. “Champ,” I began, “why don’t you stick to a lane and ride safe?”
 
The answer I got from him was all that a true blue stupid Puneite would deliver and generally speaking let me assure you that the majority of road users in this city are just that - true blue and stupid with their manners and road craft. Our blade runner’s profound statement stopped me in my tracks. He said “Hey wise man where do you think you are driving? This is Pune, not Mumbai where you have to keep to your lane.”
 
While this got me fuming, he intoned in a comradely manner “You would also be better off if you did the same and not stuck like this here for two to three minutes.” Of course the message and the communiqué from Mr Misguided Biker was even punchier in the vernacular (brilliant if I could narrate it in the Marathi I heard but as I don’t want to murder this language I’ll let it rest) and you can make out that it is not Marathi or Hindi or Gujarati or Tamil or French which makes Puneites go berserk on our roads. No it is something about the "we are the untouchable souls who can, and will, do anything to get ahead on our roads.

Getting ahead is maybe a car length or two and so much effort coupled to aggro plus nondescript skill is applied to such a task. On top of that we have the "can do" intellect to suggest that we can do without Mumbai’s traffic discipline because in our city only the Puneri way does best.
 
Now I can see where we are all headed if we hit the roads in our city – NOWHERE! Of course while going “nowhere” you will surely get enough philosophy, humour and of course a spike in your blood pressure to see the lighter side of life while yet keeping medical practitioners in business. I speak both in jest and in utter seriousness but am truly baffled at what is happening on our roads. The illogical drive with the nifty cut-and-thrust we Punekars - irrespective of gender – display so proudly on our roads is astonishing and not worth it.
 
Maybe this is what has frustrated Pune police commissioner Satyapal Singh as he hauled up both the municipal corporation and the local RTO for their failure in inculcating good traffic sense and road behaviour on our roads. But then this is another story again. May be the next week seems a good time for this as a grim story idea waiting to be told!